Shock Me, Wednesday

This post is quite personal and mentions pregnancy.

Dear Diary,

Over 24 hours ago I took a pregnancy test. The result was positive.

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My period returned when Ethan was four weeks. Grooaaan. It happens like clockwork with every baby. As soon as they hit four weeks, the witch arrives.

Annoying, however, very helpful when trying for a baby. It makes tracking ovulation and dates sooo much easier. So, in a way I was relieved because it meant we would be ready to start trying whenever we were ready.

We had talked about trying when Ethan turned three months. I even posted about it. We were in the middle of my cycle waiting for AF to arrive. We had planned to start trying and track on that cycle. We were a little nervous about Ethan being three months, but I was sure that I wouldn't fall on the first cycle which would give us at least another month. We were happy with the decision and very excited.

My menstrual cycle also works like clockwork even after babies. 28 days past and my period wasn't here. I thought it was strange, but put it down to the fact that my body was readjusting after baby. 29 days past and it still hadn't arrived. 30 days came and I started to worry. My husband asked if there was a possibility that I was pregnant and I said "No. There's no way."

We had been using the same fool proof contraception that worked for us between all of our babies. Apart from the twins, all of the kids were planned and we hadn't had any "happy accidents".

I was feeling a little crampy yesterday, but decided to take a test (I am an OPK and HPT freak. Seriously, ask my husband. He thinks I'm crazy) anyway. As I waited for that horrible ten minutes to pass, my husband and I chatted about what we would do if it came up positive. We were both like "Oh, well it's not going to be positive, so don't even worry."

Two lines. "Holy Effing Jesus" was my husband's first reaction. I was speechless. I still am. I really want to have that same yay-we're-having-a-baby reaction like I've had with all of my other kids. Somehow, all I can think of is what other people will think.

Will we tell them it was planned? Will be tell them it was a "happy accident"? What will their reaction be? What will my kids think?

At this stage I am almost five weeks along. I will have to book in for a blood test in the next week. For now I will be sick with worry and morning sickness and hoping and praying that we will get through.

Love, Tara.